Guy I Know: So, you read a lot. You know a lot of things, right?
MBC: Yeah.
Guy I Know: So, have you ever read about, or do you know, the best way to ask out a librarian?
MBC (Silently in head): There is no appropriate response.
I've thought about it, though, and here it is (librarians, feel free to add your own best practices):
1. Be British, if possible. If that's not possible, try at least to have visited Britain. Using a fake British accent to cover up the fact that you're not British does not count. You think I'm kidding, but I once went out with someone who knew I had a thing for the British boys and, consequently, spoke in a Scottish accent for about half the evening. Points bestowed for attempting to indulge my neuroses. Points deducted for, um, well, speaking in a fake Scottish accent all night.
2. Say Do you like Greek food? You do? Excellent. Would you like to go sailing in the Mediterranean next weekend? We'll stop for some gyros while we're there.
3. Present the librarian with a small token of affection--the newest Haven Kimmel book, a puppy (I'm not home much, so my puppy would have to be accompanied by a fully-staffed farm), the Hope Diamond. Whatever the librarian in question might take as a goodwill gesture.
There are other acceptable ways to ask out a librarian, but that is the best way to ask out a librarian.
MBC: Yeah.
Guy I Know: So, have you ever read about, or do you know, the best way to ask out a librarian?
MBC (Silently in head): There is no appropriate response.
I've thought about it, though, and here it is (librarians, feel free to add your own best practices):
1. Be British, if possible. If that's not possible, try at least to have visited Britain. Using a fake British accent to cover up the fact that you're not British does not count. You think I'm kidding, but I once went out with someone who knew I had a thing for the British boys and, consequently, spoke in a Scottish accent for about half the evening. Points bestowed for attempting to indulge my neuroses. Points deducted for, um, well, speaking in a fake Scottish accent all night.
2. Say Do you like Greek food? You do? Excellent. Would you like to go sailing in the Mediterranean next weekend? We'll stop for some gyros while we're there.
3. Present the librarian with a small token of affection--the newest Haven Kimmel book, a puppy (I'm not home much, so my puppy would have to be accompanied by a fully-staffed farm), the Hope Diamond. Whatever the librarian in question might take as a goodwill gesture.
There are other acceptable ways to ask out a librarian, but that is the best way to ask out a librarian.
4 comments:
I have no idea who you are, I got this link from my sister-in-law's blog, but I've been ignoring my 7-month old daughter's announcements that she's been awake from her nap for 15 minutes, so that I could read more of your blogs. You live a parallel life to many of my best friends and recent roommates. So much so that it is a bit spooky.
MBC: I must set you straight on the hotness of British accents. For many years I felt the same as you do now. But. My daughter's soccer teammate has a British father. Sure, it's a gorgeous accent when he's introducing himself, but it becomes hideous beyond belief when shouting encouragements on the soccer field. Seriously, hideous. And I hear the Brits are pretty into their football. So take your prospective British hottie to a soccer game and then see if you can stand it.
I am laughing so hard right now (as I always do when reading your imaginary conversations). He doesn't even have to Geenie prank you to find out what kind of guy you're lookin' fer! He can find the answers all right here!
AND P.S. I hate this word verification thing. I fail 9/10 times!
Anonymous--Welcome to the blog! Please feel free to come back and comment some more.
Amy--I imagine that Jack (my British love's name) would be PLAYING soccer, not watching it, so there would be no yelling (at least not that I'll really be able to hear). All our children will participate in things like orchestra and ballet, where genteel clapping and good European-shoe-wearing is required.
Annie--Fortunately, he doesn't know I have a blog AND NEVER WILL. Got that, everyone who knows him? Which means he'll probably pick me up in an SUV and take me to club baby seals after we eat at a chain restaurant in the mall.
Oh, and I just failed the word verification thing on my own blog.
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