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18 March 2015

Scenes from Our Marriage

Last night the kids stayed home with Steve while I visited the dentist.  Before I left, I gave Steve instructions about what to feed the kids, but when I came home, he greeted me at the door and said, "You said the kids could only eat apples right?"

MBC: What?!  No!  Apples won't fill them up.

Steve:  Oh, that must be why they're eating so many.  They've had, like, seven now.

Sure enough, Ellen was sitting at the kitchen table in front of an overflowing bowl of apple peels and cores.

*  *  *  *  *

Steve figured out how to get channels on our TV while I was gone, so we stayed up until midnight watching Married at First Sight, which is all the evidence necessary to demonstrate that it's best that we normally keep the TV down in the basement.  Unplugged.

The show was annoying in all the ways that American reality shows are annoying, but I was still totally absorbed and will be watching again next week.  Probably the best thing about watching a show about couples being matched up for marriage is that if you're already married, it's super extra easy to be smug while you watch it.  Just to be extra smug, Steve and I played this game during a commercial break.

Steve:  Mmmm, robots.

MBC:  Are you thinking about milking robots?  (He's working on a collapsed barn project right now.)

Steve:  Yeah.  How did you know that?

MBC:  Oh, I know you.

Steve:  Okay, but now what kind of robot am I thinking about?

MBC:  A robot that would play with my hair so that you wouldn't ever have to do it.

Steve:  Yeah.

It's like we're made for each other.  They didn't even try the Which Robot Are You Thinking About compatibility test on the show.  If any of those marriages fail, that will be why.

12 March 2015

Not the Cleaning Season

Yesterday I was cleaning the house, and I thought about getting out the glass cleaner to wipe off the fingerprints on our long window at the bottom of the stairs,


 this . . .

There's always a little girl at that window, waiting to greet us as we come in from the cold.

As soon as I clean, there's a new set of fingerprints, so we'll just leave it for now.

04 March 2015

Five Years

Is it too late to say that Steve and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary two weeks ago?  And Steve's dad came and babysat?  And we went to get the oil changed in the car because we are extra romantic?  Except then we went to Halifax to eat really, really good Vietnamese food and see a play (but first we stopped to check the price of 50 lb bags of oatmeal), so it was actually a very nice celebration.  I can't remember the last time I've been out so late, and I felt strange without being accessorized by babies.  Today when I went to the post office to pick up a package, The Bairn's lip trembled when I told him I was going without him, because he and Ellen and I like to do absolutely everything together, preferably with both of them clinging to me and pulling my hair the whole time, but Steve's Dad knows the trick of all the very best babysitters and he brought a whole stack of movies for The Bairn to watch, so I don't think I was missed at all that night.

27 February 2015

Games I Have Been Forced to Play Today

With The Bairn:

"Mom, you be Buzz and I'll be Woodland." (You know, from Toy Story.)  This involves insisting I can fly while The Bairn tells me I can't, agreeing to (pretend to) fly over the truck and into the car ahead while driving, and calling The Bairn Woodland while I instruct him to put on his coat, get in the car, etc.  If I forget to call him Woodland, he doesn't respond.

The Moon is Made of Cheese.  Rules:  The Bairn asks, "Is the moon made of cheese?" and I respond, "What?!  No!  You're teasing me!"  Repeat 11 thousand times.

Knock Down the Fence.  The Bairn sets up some frontier logs in a row and then crashes a tractor into them.  My job is to watch intently from the couch, and shout, "Oh no!  Don't knock down the fence!"  Repeat.

Dinosaur Mom.  The Bairn calls me "Steggie" because I'm a stegosaurus.  He asks me why I have spikes on my back a lot and I come up with answers.  Sometimes my answers are not good enough and I have to come up with better ones.  This is more like our everyday reality, so I don't know if it counts as a game.  It's only suspended when we're playing a different game.

With Ellen:

Poor Blind Baby.  Rules: Ellen walks around with her eyes closed and her arms out until she runs into me.  I tickle her.  Ellen walks around with her eyes closed and her arms out until Steve says, "My poor blind baby."  Ellen laughs like a crazy person.

Water in a Cup.  Ellen insists on receiving water in a cup.  I give it to her even though I know she won't drink it.  She pours it over a recipe she finds and then tears the wet paper into tiny pieces.  I ignore her because I'm writing a blog post.  When I ask her to clean up, she picks up the papers and puts them in the trash, because she's the best.

Private Time.  I try to use the bathroom by myself.  Ellen stands next to me and demands, "Pen'uin," while pointing at a book of penguins.   We go to the couch and read.

With Old People:  

I struggle to get kids who are bundled up in coats and hats in and out of shopping carts/stores/libraries.  Old people chuckle and say, "You've got your hands full."  If the old people are really good at the game, they add, "Can I take this one home with me?"  Ha ha.  It's a funny game.

20 February 2015

Potty Training by E

Little E spends a considerable amount of time potty training her dolls.  She's very serious about it.

18 February 2015

Stupid Groundhog

It was -19 C on Groundhog Day, but we hauled the kids out to see Shubenacadie Sam anyway. He predicted six more weeks of winter and then he went into the interpretative center and let The Bairn watch him eat yogurt off a spoon.

This is not Shubie Sam.  This is Gertie Groundhog.  She was also there.  Steve claims that this is a picture of him offering up his firstborn in exchange for a better weather report.

Sadly, Sam seems to have made an accurate prediction this year.  We got a huge amount of snow on Sunday.

Today was the first day the kids got to go outside and play in it.

We paid to have the driveway plowed when our snowblower couldn't handle the job.  It left huge snowbanks for the kids to enjoy.

There's another storm coming through tomorrow.

I would like to move to Miami.  And I don't even like Florida.

11 February 2015

Arts and Crafts

The Bairn loves his arts and crafts projects, and I recently started hanging them up in our dining area. Last week a dinner guest asked The Bairn if he had made the paintings and mobiles on display. "Oh yes," The Bairn replied. "I do them for crafternoon to make the house fancy."
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