03 June 2009

I Just Need to Visualize Myself Taking the Waters in Bath

I know change is a bad thing,
Breaks me down into a sorry, sad thing . . .

-Dar Williams, from "It's Alright"

I've been having just the tiniest nervous breakdown the last few days, as I've been transferring files to other librarians at work and scheduling my exit interview and thinking in my head, "I'll be flying to Milan that day," each time Tuey invites me to his birthday party in September (which he does whenever he sees me--he's having a unicorn cake and he's very excited about it).

I know all the reasons I decided to quit my job and go adventuring and I think they're sound. Among other things (including the fact that I l-l-love to travel!), I wanted to resist a certain inertia in my life and I didn't want to be the kind of person who had it within her power to do the things she dreamed about and then didn't do them. For the past six months, every time someone has asked me why I wanted to go to Europe for so long, I've been surprised that it's not completely self-evident. It's been a long time (relatively) since I've so completely uprooted myself and found myself in a situation with so many potential pathways that I feel overwhelmed, though, and I suddenly understand why they've been asking. It's a little bit frightening to throw myself into the unknown when I'm comfortable here.

I really hope that opening myself up to new opportunities is not the same as being reckless with my life. It's hard to tell today.

5 comments:

watermelongirl said...

It's not reckless. You're doing a fabulous thing... taking the road less traveled for sure, but also taking an opportunity that you'd always regret otherwise. The daily grind will be there (or wherever) when you get back!

HUGS!

JAMES said...

Relax max. You're going on a grand adventure. It'll be great. Worry about what your doing to do later, later. The Tuey part is super sad...but he'll have many other birthdays, perhaps not with unicorn cakes...

Brooke Stoneman said...

Inertia resist away! You are doing a great and brave thing. It will be amazing.

MBC said...

Thanks for all your nice, encouraging words. They're very helpful and make me feel better!

James-The Tuey part is the hardest thing. If it weren't for the little kids, it would be much much easier to sail away. At least Tuey probably won't remember this birthday. And I can send him some "lillypops" from Greece.

rebekah said...

open wide and get ready to take giant bites out of life. you are one of the most responsible person i know. these plans are not stupid. go for it, go for it, go for it!

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