Me and Bridget Jones

As is my summer custom, I've been reading chick lit this month. I just finished two novels by Katie Fforde, Bidding for Love and Restoring Grace, both of which I liked. Chick lit is pretty formulaic. You have a 20-something young woman who's awkward and prone to mishaps but has a heart of gold and eventually gets what's coming to her in the form of a nice young man, a British one if she's really lucky. So, the other day it occurred to me that I'm an excellent candidate for a chick lit heroine. I totally qualify.

Chick Lit Heroine Requirements
1--Twenty-something Female
Check.

2--Awkward and Prone to Mishaps
Check. A couple of years ago I fell into a manhole. True story. And there was that time I got trapped in my car, because I had to visit this guy I had recently stopped dating, and it's too long a story to tell but it was aaaawkward. And that time Mr. Dreamy Guy took me out to dinner and afterwards we had to run by my office and he noticed the picture of Hugh Dancy at my desk and asked about it and I had to hustle Mr. Dreamy Guy right out of there so I wouldn't have to explain about Imaginary Boyfriends. Whew! Awkward.

3--Heart of Gold
Check. You can always tell that chick lit heroines have hearts of gold, because they befriend doormen and service people who often help them out of scrapes when the heroines seem doomed to failure, which is why it's so great that I'm friends with Angel, our Hispanic day porter at work. He teaches me Spanish. My roommate also teaches me Spanish sometimes, so I can say important things like Take out the garbage! and I'm going to take out the garbage. Remarkably, this has never helped me when talking to Angel. Of course, the things Angel teaches me don't help me either, because he teaches me words like Hand and Tired. I need someone to teach me how to say, "I'd like to go home, because all these library patrons are making my head ache. Please call Bombay House and tell them I'd like some Chicken Tikka Masala to go."

So, I just need my nice British man. See what you can do about that, would you?