13 September 2007

More Non-Self-Sufficiency

I needed to hang a curtain rod this week, so I asked my Friend With A Drill if I could borrow his drill. He agreed and brought it to me at church on Sunday. When he gave the drill to me, my FWAD started explaining about the key and the special handle that I could do something with and some kind of something I should screw somewhere. My eyes started to glaze over and I started thinking about Care Bears and then I think I passed out from boredom for a minute and then my FWAD left me with the drill.

Now, here's the thing. I'm a bright kid, and I can do all kinds of things for myself. I ripped out the carpet mostly by myself in my last house and I love using the power tools in my carpenter friend's shop. I'm also perfectly capable of learning how to use my FWAD's drill, but I didn't want to. I wanted to lie on my couch eating pad thai and read a cooking magazine, while someone else installed the curtain rod. And the way I wanted the conversation with my FWAD to go was like this.

MBC: Hey, do you have a drill I could borrow?

FWAD: Sure. What do you need it for?

MBC: I need to hang a curtain rod.

FWAD: Oh, I can do that for you. And do you need any other tasks done for you? Would you like me to install a natural gas detector, so your gas stove won’t silently poison you while you sleep?

MBC: Why, thank you. That would be so kind of you.

FWAD: By the way, we took a poll in church today, and all the men think that even though you experience road rage and can't drive a stick-shift, you're the loveliest woman we've ever met and, because of that, we'd all like to chip in and pay your rent for the next six months. As a token of our appreciation for your existence, you know?

But I just got the drill. And then I discovered that my FWAD hadn't even given me a drill bit! So I took the drill home and left it lying on the floor, where it was discovered by friends (four women) who came over the next night to eat ice cream and discuss how lovely Anthony Howell is as Roger in Wives and Daughters. Of course, the women were indignant that my FWAD HADN'T done the work himself when he already knew how to use the drill and I didn't, and they called him up and requested his presence at the house to install the curtain rod, which he very kindly did. So, all's well that ends well, but I really could use that natural gas detector.


Megan said...

I would have put up the curtain rod for you, and my sister's drill is much easier to use than that. I've recently decided that command strips are the answer to all home improvement problems. Leak in the roof--just put up a bunch of command strips; you get the point.


MBC said...

I think most drills are easier to use than the one I was offered. It seemed to require advanced degrees and military training.

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