Imaginary Conversations

Sometimes I imagine conversations I would have with dead and/or fictional people.

Like Wednesday when my sister and I went to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. At one point, Harry's concerned that he's becoming Voldemort because he's so angry all the time. My sister leaned over and said, "Maybe that's your problem right now. Voldemort." It's not, but I would like to sit down with Harry and discuss our rage.

MBC: So, Harry, why so angry?

Harry: Well, you know the entire wizarding world thinks I'm a liar but I'm also their only hope so, there's kind of a lot of pressure on me right now, but I'm too young to be in the Order and no one's telling me what's going on. And Voldemort keeps trying to kill me. The guy's such a jerk.

MBC: Yeah, I get it. Mean people are the WORST. They make me mad, too.

Or last year, I lived in this 98-year-old house so my roommates and I ripped out a lot of the carpet and repainted most of the first floor, including the ceiling in the kitchen. The paint was light colored, so we had to use primer and then two coats of paint. Every time I worked on the ceiling, I'd imagine chatting with Michaelangelo in the next life over some cold drinks (I'm fond of apple juice).

MBC: Man, ceilings are so hard to paint, right? How long did it take you to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling?

Michaelangelo: About four years. How long did it take to paint your kitchen ceiling?

MBC: Oh, probably two hours. That was spread over a few days. I live in the 21st century, though, so my quality of life is higher than yours and I expect everything in my life to be easier. And no one's impressed by my painting feat even though it was HARD.

Michaelangelo: It's a hard knock life for you. (I anticipate that Michaelangelo will have seen the movie Annie by the time we chat.)

And this morning I was thinking about the times when I see a book review and think I MUST read that and then I check the library catalog and we don't own that book and THEN I think, Why hasn't the buyer for this section purchased such a fabulous looking book?! and THEN I realize that I'M the buyer for that section and I buy the book immediately and crow to myself, I can do that because I HAVE THE POWER, which leads me to believe that I need to have THIS conversation with He-Man (because he had the power, too).

MBC: He-Man, how did you remain so humble even though you HAD THE POWER and were always defeating Skeletor?

He-Man: Well, I always wore those tiny, fur man panties. Keeps a guy humble.

MBC: Good point. You had really terrible hair, too. Sad day for you.