Things to Say to Me on a First Date to Guarantee that There Will Never Be a Second Date
What's your favorite Disney movie?
Really? You're 32-years-old and this is what you want to talk about? It's a conversation I barely tolerate with Madame 5-year-old and only then because she's so cute. Also, I don't have a favorite Disney movie. I think Disney is part of the decline of Western civilization.
What do you even study in a program like that? The Dewey Decimal System? [POW]
POW is the sound that comes immediately after this question, when I take my gun out and shoot the question asker in the kneecap.
Do you want to meet my mission president tomorrow? I told him all about you.
Seriously. On our first (and last) date.
Some people's children.
4 comments:
I hope you didn't get all three of these on one date. If you did, I am very, very sorry.
Hello,
Your favorite disney movie? Did some man actually ask you this question? Oh yeah, there are some real winners out there. I can not tolerate men who are pretentious or any man that treats service workers, ie. waitstaff, disrespectfully. This is an absolute with me, no exceptions.
I have a strange relationship with Disney. On the one hand, my feelings about Disney can be summed up by a single moment from the television show The Critic in which the late Gene Siskel is interviewing someone to replace Ebert:
Candidate critic: Tim Allen gives that same likeable performance we've always loved, once again proving Disney Pictures have the magical touch that may not win awards, but keep America smiling. How's that?
Gene Siskel: (ponders a moment) You're Satan aren't you?
Candidate critic: (transforming back into his true, fiery incarnation) You've won another round Siskel, but we shall meet again! (Disappears in a fiery flame.)
***
And yet at the same time, I can sing any Disney song and beat anyone at Disney trivia. I'm a very conflicted person.
Seriously?! Disney? I would have to agree with you that it is part of the decline of Western civilization. And the second question just shows a complete lack of respect. I think you dodged a bullet with that one.
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