Lucille Clifton has a poem entitled "Wishes for Sons" (don't read the poem if you embarrass easily). It wishes a number of uncomfortable circumstances regarding, um, shall we say feminine troubles on her sons. Tonight I was thinking that I'd like to write a poem entitled "Wishes for Library Patrons" that would detail some punishments for a variety of patrons.
Here's the short list of patrons who would be included (I'll leave out their specific punishments in an effort not to indulge too many mean thoughts):
Patrons who decide right at closing time that they need to get library cards for their 2 tiny children (who should be home in bed!) right now even though they're not checking out any books and could fill out the paperwork and get the cards on their next trip to the library instead of holding up 12 staff members who want to go home.
Patrons (don't care that they're children) who pull the fire alarm, interrupting my lunch, forcing me to help evacuate the building, and giving me a headache (the fire alarm system is very good--very loud).
Patrons who ignore the blaring fire alarm sirens and staff instructions not to enter the building (it's illegal and staff are trying to CLEAR the building) because they want to drop off their books inside. Nevermind that there are drop boxes outside that could be used just as easily.
Patrons who have to be told not to use cell phones in well-marked quiet areas who, upon being told to stop using their phones, say, "I know" and continue talking.
Patrons who come to the library dressed like Samurai on roller blades (that guy just really bugs me no matter what he's doing).
I have wishes for them. Evil wishes.
2 comments:
That's an awesome poem.
There are two songs from the Mikado currently running through my head that perfectly encapsulate my Wishes for Library Patrons. Thank you, W.S. Gilbert!
Yeah, I like Lucille Clifton. I'm not very familiar with the Mikado. I'll have to go investigate.
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