My parents have very nice elderly neighbors who live across the street. Mom and I stopped and chatted with them today and told them about the upcoming wedding. They congratulated me and said that if I need any marriage advice, I should stop on by and "Auntie Lee" would give it to me. Well, I might just take Auntie Lee up on that, because, remarkably, I've received almost no advice at all (unless you count repeated recommendations that we move to Tennessee, which I don't). This lack of advice is astonishing, since, before I was engaged, complete strangers in the grocery store and the relatives of my friends and the girls who cut my hair at the beauty school all felt free to offer me unsolicited advice about my life all the time. Advice I did not need, because I'm simply smashing at being single.
I know far, far less about marriage.
So, if you have any good marriage advice (from personal experience or just that you've encountered somewhere), I'd be happy to hear it at this time. Or if you're privy to really terrible marriage advice, that would be interesting to me as well.
12 comments:
Yay, the giving of advice! Some of the worst marriage advice I've ever heard is the "don't go to bed angry" advice. I think it's pretty much ALWAYS better to just go to bed when one is feeling like a cranky beast. Also the "fight naked" advice. That seems weird to me.
As for actual GOOD advice . . . um . . huh. Oh wait! Wait, I've got some:
1. Be nice.
2. Just because someone loves you it doesn't mean they can read your mind.
3. Your spouse would never intentionally hurt your feelings.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
There are times you can be right or be happy, not both. Pick your battles.
John
Be nice to each other. Have fun together.
just stay single. Sounds like it might be easier.
The most strange advice I got was from one of the wonderful ladies in my ward. She suggested that every night at 6 o'clock, even if I haven't started dinner, I should set the table so it looks like dinner's almost ready. I thought:
a) I'm supposed to make dinner every night?
b) I should try to trick my husband about when it's going to be ready?
c) My husband will be such a fool that a glass of water and some silverware will make him think dinner's ready?
and d) I think you got married 40 years before me (yes).
and now that I've been married for a while, my predominant thought is, Your husband was home by 6 o'clock? EVER?!
Since you asked ... the thing that has helped me most in my marriage has been remembering the confirmation that I got that it was the right thing to do. Somehow that has helped me to stick out the bad times and work to make things right again. And try to have as much fun as you can!
You have wise friends.
I have no advice. I am always just going for 51% good (or hopefully more). Some days I am barely there but often the Happiness Meter has a good score. As long as I can stand Todd more than half the time, by whatever margin, I think we are good.
This is not inspirational, sorry.
Cultivate hobbies and interests that you can participate in together.
You were a young adult librarian, so any relationship advice in a YA book you could apply to marriage. Not any relationship advice, but some of it...
Nemesis--Yes, my sister has the same feelings about the going to bed angry. She told me that she mentioned it to someone once, though, who was appalled and told her that she and her husband should NEVER let the sun go down on their wrath (and, yes, that's HOW he said it).
John--You are wise. I can definitely see how that would be true.
James--I've always thought that you and SK are particularly nice to one another. When you were visiting, I told Steve to take note.
Kirsten--No, no, no. I'm a pro at being single, so I just intend to take marriage by storm and become an expert there as well.
Amy--That IS odd advice.
Johanna--Thanks! I will remember that.
Eliana--I do think your comment is an inspirational story. I think it's great to hear things that are true even if they aren't all unicorns and lollipops.
Oh, and I like the Happiness Meter. I was telling Steve the other day that I have an internal joyometer, which I sometimes draw on the wipe board for the convenience of those I live with.
E--Thanks! I think, so far, we're actually pretty good at that one. I will bear this in mind, though, as I continue to develop hobbies.
James--Hmmm, yes, I will have to see what wisdom I can mine from the YA canon.
My advice would be to have lots of fun before you have children. Not that children aren't fun, but you are never just a couple anymore. That time of being just two is limited and can be a wonderful oppurtunity to make great memories (and enjoy your sleep).
Cook food together when it snows, and do silly things occasionally. And, remember, compromise is key. Ben's comment: "I hate compromise." We're still working on that.
Our funniest? Gpa Spackman, in the preface to the actual ceremony, made some comment about Ben coming home to me having burnt the roast. At the time, he cooked more often than I did (at least in our marriage). Today, he's back to cooking more than me. I still smile to think about it.
Congrats! You guys will do just fine. :)
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